Sunday, 11 September 2011

Hurricane coming? OK guys, let's get drunk!


Maybe New Yorkers knew the hurricane was to be something of a damp squib. Perhaps we're getting a glimpse of how people will respond to the end of days - while media, government and frothing experts describe in painful detail the precise steps we must take in those final times, the population will be too drunk to care!

"It's Christmas in August," says Sherry Rader, manager of Smith & Vine. She says that hurricane hoarders are gravitating toward lower prices than average, but at a much higher volume. One Smith & Vine customer named Suzanne says she is planning to buy four bottles. "That's for three adults, if you want to do the math," she says. (The math: 1.33 bottles per adult.) She expects that cache to last her for two days.

At Henry Street Wines & Liquors, owner Dominick Tutrone says he's also been selling a great deal of wine, but he's also been nearly cleaned out of high-end bourbon, too, and he has an empty shelf to prove it. "I heard some woman comment that you don't need ice for bourbon, and it's strong and powerful, and people want to be, I guess, mellow," Tutrone says.

Look citizens - especially citizens in New York's obscene health fascist regime - this is not how you're supposed to behave, you're supposed to act responsibly, listen to your masters and behave.


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