All government can do is make and enforce rules - a polite society needs more than that, it needs us to defend it

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While driving to the cinema I had an interesting conversation with my wife and son regarding behaviour. This began with the usual litany of things we dislike – old people who think their age grants them the right to queue jump, people putting their feet on bus or train seats, those heading for early deafness who think the whole carriage should hear their music, litter, chewing gum and not letting folk off the carriage before embarking. All pretty regular stuff for a discussion in the Cooke family of grumps!

However, the discussion moved on a step further to discuss how ‘society’ might respond to such problems. And why there is such impoliteness and disrespect. We managed to blame parents, teachers, the telly and computers games before sanity returned and we remembered to blame the government. They’re in charge of rules so it must be their fault.

And here lies the problem. We have abrogated responsibility for good behaviour – passed it over to the government. In doing this we forget the fundamental limitations of government – all it can do is make and enforce rules. Government can only use threats, can only punish, ban or bar – government cannot set example, explain the reasons for politeness or provide moral direction.

The result of making polite behaviour ‘someone else’s problem’ is precisely the disrespectful, rude and selfish society we rant and rail against. Yet our response isn’t to ask how politeness might become commonplace again but to call for more rules, more enforcers and tougher punishments. It appears that until we become Mega-City One, we will not be satisfied.

It may just be me but I fear this way madness lies – rather than ever more draconian enforcement and even more controls, laws and regulations would it not be better to start expecting polite behaviour beginning with the youngest? To have children address their teacher as “Miss”, “Mrs” or “Sir”. To expect children to stand when grown ups enter the room. To cherish silence. To encourage quiet speaking. To celebrate quiet order.

You and I don’t litter the streets because of the minuscule change of being fined. We hold open doors, help people with heavy bags and say “please” and “than-you” because it’s the right thing to do not because we might be punished for not doing so. Yet we seem like rabbits frozen in society’s headlights at the prospect of expecting politeness from those around us. We’re told by the enforcers not to challenge bad behaviour – they might attack you or something. And we keep our heads down and hope that the enforcer arrives and deals with the perpetrator. But Judge Dredd never does arrive.

Those of us who can retreat to a safer world – to our homes, to the safety of the car’s bubble and to offices with door security – and sit it out. We avoid public transport, busy town centres at night and places where the impolite might gather and disturb us. We have to take our share of the blame. We have to start challenging impoliteness and rudeness.

But we have also to ask our government to lift the shackles of restraint – to allow police officers, teachers, shopkeepers, pool attendants, bus drivers and train conductors to be intolerant. In fact to permit all of us – all the polite people – to question, challenge and confront ignorance, rudeness and bad behaviour.

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