Pigs...

Pigs are better than sheep for a whole load of reasons. It’s not just the diet – pigs eat all the same stuff we eat which makes having one in the yard a pretty good idea (says he in a pigless environment) – but the lack of flocking. Pigs are family animals rather than herd animals.

But pigs get a poor press – it’s not just that Jews and Muslims won’t eat them (I visualise the Porcine High Command in their bunker near Basingstoke planning the exodus to Riyadh and pig liberty) – but the endless harping on about greediness, filthiness and general bad manners.

And all this stuff about troughing – especially the adjustment of politicians’ pictures to incorporate parts of pig anatomy (prize to the first one to feature the corkscrew-like porcine penis). Well it won’t do – stick food in front of a pig and it eats but how many politicians could find you a truffle?

Pigs are, I think, the champion domesticated animal – you can eat all of them, they don’t need great fields to graze on and they are prolific breeders. And the world (other than those parts with a silly taboo) gets sausages, bacon, chitterlings, belly pork, black pudding, gammon, scratchings, chops and spare ribs. What more could we ask?

Family values, good hygiene, low environmental impact, versatility and no fuss. Go on folks – ignore Bing Crosby – grow up to be a pig!

....