Will some one get rid of that elephant...

 OK, I’ve had it. I’ve had it up to here. Can we finally get rid of that elephant? You know the one. That one, over there, in the corner. The one that’s referred to at every meeting, in endless second-rate bits of punditry and now by otherwise normal blokes cuddling a beer in the local.

That elephant has to go. I don’t care that you want to talk about not talking about it. I want it out of my room, your room, the meeting room on the fourth floor and any other room in which it might be lurking.

Why, you ask? Because I don’t want to talk about it. That elephant is an excuse, a cop out, a reason not to take part, That elephant is an obstacle to proper discourse. That elephant is the metaphorical equivalent of the ignorant bloke in the van who parks across your drive. That elephant has done its job, move it on, clear it out. I’m not talking about talking about the elephant in the room.

But the giraffe on the patio….hmmmmm?

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Change, drunkeness and the threat of tutting

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Since everyone’s* burbling about change in that usual frantic new year kind of way I thought I’d join in. Not in the personal development sort of change narrative – that always makes me reach for the axe – but looking at the things that need to change (other than West Ham’s league position) to make living in England slightly less annoying and irritating. Here’s a few (feel free to add your own!):

1. We need to give kids a little more space and a little more understanding. Let’s stop and remember what it was like to be a teenager – perhaps that will put an end to the description of mild annoyance as “anti-social behaviour”

2. The cartel that is the big PubCos needs sorting out – stopping them dictating drink suppliers and prices would be a good start. We should also take the alcohol license off supermarkets. And please god, we’ll stop this ridiculous blaming of licensed premises for the behaviour of a few drunks

3. A little less pious piffle from “faith communities” would be welcome – why on earth do we give them a privileged position in our society? If they want schools, TV programmes, newspapers and fancy buildings that’s fine. But not with my money, thanks

4. More trust – quite rightly I have never been asked for ID in a shop. In fact no-one should have to carry ID just to get served. That way we might get a little common sense from those serving. Shopkeepers you don’t have to serve anyone – why hide behind ID cards?

5. And a great deal more fun – more festival lights, bands playing in parks, farmers markets, street vendors, buskers, jugglers, open air theatre, pavement art and village galas. Put less into opera houses and fancy London theatres and more into accessible popular art that really makes places fun

6. Oh, and please, less tutting!

*by everyone I of course mean a couple of people on twitter
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