Richard and The Money Tree: Part 2 - in which he seeks support for his quest

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The sun shone on the city. The little blue birds twittered and tweeted, their voices cheering Richard as he headed for the Place of Tents.

“How could those Economists not see the truth of what he was saying,” said Richard speaking his thoughts aloud to the tweeting birds, “how could they not see the truth of the money tree.”

The little blue tweeting birds carried these thoughts far and wide so that, by the time the Great Temple (in whose shadow lay the Place of Tents) loomed into Richard’s sight, the Students of Uncut and others among the Occupiers already knew of Richard’s fight against the Economists and the evil of their neoliberalism.

On arrival Richard was feted as a hero.

“We shall support your quest for the Havens of the Money Tree," was the cry from Caroline, a green fairy visiting the Place of Tents, “I have a perch in the Palace of the King’s Men and shall take your message there.”

The Students of Uncut told Richard their tale – the story of solo and the ninety-nine. Richard listened and heard of how Vo de Ffon, who sends messages, and Phil of the Green, a shopkeeper, had stolen the money tree and taken it to a Haven between the sea and the mountains. And that this was our money tree but that the King’s Men had still allowed Vo and Phil to keep the tree with all its money.

“Our search for the money tree continues,” cried Richard, “this Haven - a place of fast chariots, gambling and other sins – must be torn down and the money trees returned to their rightful lands.”

The Students of Uncut and other occupiers of the Place of Tents cheered Richard and urged him onwards in his quest. Alone in the city, these noble souls saw that Richard truly was the Courageous One!

“Richard, you must take what you have found to the King’s Men,” cried the Students, “not all of them are yet corrupted by neoliberalism and the glitter of greed.  Some will help you find the money tree!”

“First,” said Richard, “I shall visit the Guilds of Tradesmen – those working men have been robbed by Vo de Ffon, Phil of the Green and the King’s Men. They will help in our quest.”

So, refreshed by the great support from the Students of Uncut, the Green Fairies and other Occupiers at the Place of Tents, Richard set off across the city heading for the Guilds of Tradesmen. He knew that Bob the Crow, Bren the Barber and others who lead those slaving in the King’s Men’s mines and plantations would take up the quest.

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Although they were just workers, the Guilds of Tradesmen dwelled in a building just as grand as that of the Economists with long sweeping staircases, liveried flunkies and cavernous, bejewelled halls. The dined on the finest foods, drank the best wine and dressed in splendid, hand-made (if a little ill-fitting) suits. 

Richard knew this to be right – how could Bob, Bren and the other leaders battle the evil of the King’s Men on just the pittance allowed to the workers in the mines and plantations.

Richard told the story of the money tree to the leaders of the Guilds of Tradesmen who listened with, Richard could see, growing anger to the tale of how the King’s Men allowed Vo de Ffon, Phil of the Green and others to steal money trees from the people to whom they belonged.

“I’ll stop all the carriages," cried Bob the Crow, “we will bring the city to a halt. It is an outrage that the King’s Men should rob us in this manner!”

“Aye," said Bren, “those slaving in the mines and on the fields will take to the streets. We will storm the Palace of the King’s Men and demand that they return the money tree from Vo de Ffon and Phil of the Green. That they tear down the Haven of the Fast Chariots.”

A new voice was heard from the doorway, “I command the men who carry the paper for the King’s Men, who co-ordinate diversity and who care like nanny for those who smoke and drink. We shall join your righteous campaign; we too shall seek the money tree! The money tree that is our members’ rightful inheritance!”

It was Dave the Apprentice – a welcome and strong addition to Richard’s quest. The money tree was almost within grasp. Surely, with such a force for good, the King’s Men must reveal the truth about the money tree – a truth so cruelly hidden until Richard had uncovered its secret.

“I hear that Gideon of Tatton, the most evil of the King’s Men, denied the existence of the money tree,” explained Dave the Apprentice, “we have parchments received from the leaders of other lands who have joined the quest and who support Robin Hood – yet still Gideon refuses to reveal the truth.”

“I will go to the Palace of the King’s Men,” said Richard, “there, Caroline, the Green Fairy and others she will find to aid us will tell the truth before all men. There is a money tree that was stolen by Vo de Ffon and Phil of the Green – a money tree that could ease all the worries of the people. That money tree is in the Haven of the Fast Chariots and the leaders of many lands want it released. Only Gideon of Tatton

With these words, Richard headed off to the Palace of the King’s Men, there to tell the truth, to show where thieves had hidden the money tree. And to bring that tree back to the people so their suffering can end!

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Richard and The Money Tree

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Richard straightened his papers, placed his pen back in its case and checked that the paper clip part of his desk tidy was properly stocked.

“There’s work to be done,” he muttered to himself, “and I am the man to do it.”

Rising quietly from his desk, Richard turned to the office and said in a loud, firm voice,

“The King’s Men are hiding the truth!”

Bemused looks washed over the office, mumblings were heard: “what’s he on about, now” and “he’s off on one again”.

But Richard wasn’t deterred, indeed such cynicism from his colleagues was inspiring. He’d show them!

“There is a money tree that means everyone can have everything they want. And I shall find it!”

Richard strode to the door, descended the steps and onto the street – the first stop would be the Guild of Economists. Such men would understand and aid his quest.

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On arriving at the Guild – an imposing, portico’d building – Richard spoke to the robed doorman.

“Show me to the debating chamber of your masters,” demanded Richard, “I must tell them of my quest for the money tree!”

The doorman arched an eyebrow and smiled quietly,

“Come this way.”

Richard followed the robed figure through the Guild’s halls. As he walked past the great paintings of past Guildmasters, Richard choked back his disdain for those men who had conspired with the King’s Men to cover up the truth. Adam, David, Friedrich, Milton –all of them bar the sainted John had hidden the truth about the money tree so as to serve their selfish, greedy purposes.

Richard would show them.

Entering the vast debating chamber, Richard was almost flattened by the cacophony of the place. Arguments were layered over discourse, all conducted loudly and in a language that Richard knew to be part of the great conspiracy that concealed the money tree.

Occult terms flew round the room, “marginal propensity to consume”, "partial equilibrium cost-benefit analyses”, “globalisation”, “government stimulus”, “predictive simulation capabilities” – a veritable cornucopia of the terms of economic magic.

But Richard could handle this!

“Enough of your neo-liberalism, enough of your conspiracy, begone with your spell-making,” cried Richard above the babble of the Guildsmen, “I am here to require your help in my quest for the money tree – a tree you know of but keep hidden at the behest of the King’s Men and the Keeper’s of the Hoard.”

A hush fell on the chamber. Save for one voice.

“Not again! How many times do we have to prove there isn’t a money tree before people like you believe us?”

Richard turned to the voice. It came from what looked like a miner.

“Who’s that?” asked Richard of the nearest Economist.

“That’s Tim,” came the reply, “he lives at The Margins but comes here sometimes for debate.”

“You should silence him, “ said Richard and began his lecture about the money tree. He told how it grew, how the King ordered his men to hide it so the people would suffer while the King’s Men, the Barons and the Keeper’s of the Hoard grew fat on the back of that suffering.

“There is no money tree – it’s a myth,” shouted Tim from The Margins.

Richard ignored the interruption explaining how Robin Hood was now riding against those growing fat on the backs of people’s suffering and how he  - The Courageous One – was now tasked with revealing the location of the money tree.

“There is no money tree and Robin Hood is just a thief!”

Tim from The Margins again but this time his outburst was accompanied by tittering and a few voices repeating Tim’s false claim.

Richard continued, explaining how his researches revealed that the money tree had been taken to a Haven – perhaps on a desert island or maybe in the  mountains. Some of his research suggested there may be more than one Haven of the Money Tree.

“And you, members of the Guild of Economists, must help in this quest. You must reveal your occult secrets. Tell me where this Haven is! Reveal the money tree!”

If it had been cacophony before, the chamber now became chaotic. Some wanted to search again for the money tree – “it may be mythical but who’s to say myths aren’t true”. Others entered into loud debate about Robin Hood and whether he was helping the people or just another thief. And throughout this Tim from The Margins continued mocking Richard.

Turning back to the robed doorman, Richard said,

“Lead me from here. These men are not interested in anything but their neoliberalism and their greed. They will not aid my quest. I shall go to the place of tents where dwell the long-haired ones. The Students of Uncut.”

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Breaking News: Public Sector Unions Cultivate the Money Tree!

It is more and more apparent that the representatives of many public sector workers have only a tenuous connection to reality:

Four unions representing tens of thousands of youth and community workers in the voluntary sector have said they will demand a substantial pay rise.

There is apparently a world shortage of such workers and whacking up the pay is the obvious route to close that gap (although the unions aren’t at all clear quite how they arrive at a shortage of “about 4,000”).

So who’s going to pay this “substantial” pay rise?

1. The taxes of ordinary hard-working folk
2. The charitable donations of ordinary hard-working folk

Either that or the unions have finally cultivated a money tree (scientific name; Quantitivus easingii).

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