Squirrel pie anyone? Don't ring the RSPCA

I like squirrels. The pesky little blighters have been my favourite animal since I was a small child - during which time I created a whole world populated entirely by the darling creatures. However, I recognise that not everyone shares my interest and indeed that grey squirrels (not to be confused with the Black Russian I've pictured) are quite serious pests.

So go ahead and cull them - there's plenty to go at and (as I discovered not long ago) make a pretty tasty pie. But whatever you do, don't ring the RSPCA for advice - they're clearly on some kind of deal with the pest control industry!

As Rev Douglas Drane discovered:

"I caught one of these vermin in a humane trap but when I called the RSPCA I was told I could not let it go because it posed a threat to red squirrels, which are not native to Gloucestershire," he said. I was also told I could not kill the animal myself and that risked prosecution if I did. I had to get a pest controller to come and do the job - at a cost of £70.

"I was dumbfounded by the RSPCA's response. What on earth am I supposed to do if I can't kill the squirrel or release it? I have done everything by the book. But it shows the law is an ass. It clearly needs to be changed."

And it's not just the RSPCA who are conflicted about squirrels. BBC Gardeners Question Time was accused of censoring panellists' comments on controlling pests like rats, mice, squirrels, rabbits and wood pigeons. And there are the real nutters like Animal Aid:

Their comments have been roundly attacked by Andrew Tyler, the director of Animal Aid, an animal rights group. He said: "The whole premise of gardeners killing squirrels is hateful and bigoted. It's the worst kind of intolerance. People should cherish them. But there is a concerted attempt to characterise them as vermin and a threat to the red. Gardeners who should be nurturing life and respecting life shouldn't be taking this bigoted view."

Look Andrew, if you and your mates over at the RSPCA want to hug bunnies that's fine by me. But please leave the rest of us who live in the real world to deal with the vermin and pests attacking our farms, out gardens and, in the case of squirrels, our electric wires. And, when we've killed the squirrels cook and eat them.

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Some thoughts on the ethics of squirrel pie

I had a squirrel pie for my lunch today. It was really tasty and I can recommend Pots 'n' Pies products on the basis of this experience!

I was also delighted to see the product on sale openly at the Bingley Fine Food Fair. It suggests that there is a little hope for us yet. After endless hectoring by vegetarian lobbyists and generations of dressed rabbits in books, film and on TV, we may at last be growing up. We may finally realise that not eating something because of some misplaced concept of ethics is stupid.

I don't mind at all if you want to be a vegetarian. It doesn't bother me in the slightest if you prefer not to eat fois gras or tuna. I'm quite content for you to worry whether your food is fair trade, organic, shade grown and lacking in food miles. I'm quite OK (although they won't thank you for it) for you to make your own children conform to your faddist behaviour. You can even sign up to the more bonkers fringes of food faddism such as being a vegan.

But I do mind if you foist your squeamishness, your fads and your obsessions onto others. If I want to shoot and eat wild fowl, squirrels and deer, that's my business and nothing to do with you. If I want to chase down wild boar and deer with dogs (a pretty efficient way of hunting these animals), that should be my business - nothing to do with you.

So I'll go on eating squirrel pie, freshly trapped rabbit and shot game birds. And I'll also enjoy goose liver pate wherever it's produced. Animals don't have rights but I do - and one of those rights is to eat what I want to eat, drink what I want to drink and smoke if I want to smoke.

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