Saturday, 1 January 2011

Your Taxman Needs You!

Kathryn’s upstairs hunting and gathering. At the end of this process will be the necessary pile of papers needed to complete a tax return. You need to know that this is one of Kathryn’s least favourite pastimes (although the person out there who enjoys completing a tax return should check in urgently with their local mental health practitioner).

Now, dear reader, what bothers me – and I know it bothers you – is that we might not be paying enough tax. I have watched as concerned citizens storm the bastions of consumerist decadence so as to persuade those folk therein to pay over the right amount of tax. These concerned citizens have at their heart a dread worry about the plight of vulnerable groups.

So I must scrabble through this paperwork – searching every nook and cranny of the den – so as to ensure that I pay my fair share of that vital taxation. After all these concerned citizens tell me that it is this taxation keeping us all from economic doom – verily, economic meltdown may result from insufficient taxes being raising  And I must play my part.

So from today, I urge you all – in this great cause of sustaining employment for EU bureaucrats, employees of the EHRC and a veritable army of diversity officers – I urge you all to change your tax-dodging ways.

  1. Stop avoiding VAT by taking up ‘buy one get one free’ offers – or indeed any other promotions, free give-aways and such that reduce the government’s income
  2. Pay local tradesmen the full price – including VAT – and insist on a traceable payment by cheque or bank transfer
  3. Make sure every last bit of pitiful interest from your meagre savings is included – those pennies and thruppences will make a real difference. Indeed, this selfless act could keep one more diversity officer in employment to the benefit of us all
  4. Stop managing it to maximise tax reliefs – reduce conventanted and gift aided donations as that’s just robbing the government of vital tax
  5. And find it in your heart to make an additional, voluntary contribution to keeping the economy afloat and some bureaucrat in employment

Or else just get your neb out from everybody else’s business and focus on your own sins rather than the perceived sins of others.



Phil said...

Cash in your tax 'mitigating' ISAs and give the government the interest instead!

Libertarian said...

I was planning to stop paying in to my tax free pension, but then discovered the government had already stolen it.