Richard and The Money Tree: Part 2 - in which he seeks support for his quest

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The sun shone on the city. The little blue birds twittered and tweeted, their voices cheering Richard as he headed for the Place of Tents.

“How could those Economists not see the truth of what he was saying,” said Richard speaking his thoughts aloud to the tweeting birds, “how could they not see the truth of the money tree.”

The little blue tweeting birds carried these thoughts far and wide so that, by the time the Great Temple (in whose shadow lay the Place of Tents) loomed into Richard’s sight, the Students of Uncut and others among the Occupiers already knew of Richard’s fight against the Economists and the evil of their neoliberalism.

On arrival Richard was feted as a hero.

“We shall support your quest for the Havens of the Money Tree," was the cry from Caroline, a green fairy visiting the Place of Tents, “I have a perch in the Palace of the King’s Men and shall take your message there.”

The Students of Uncut told Richard their tale – the story of solo and the ninety-nine. Richard listened and heard of how Vo de Ffon, who sends messages, and Phil of the Green, a shopkeeper, had stolen the money tree and taken it to a Haven between the sea and the mountains. And that this was our money tree but that the King’s Men had still allowed Vo and Phil to keep the tree with all its money.

“Our search for the money tree continues,” cried Richard, “this Haven - a place of fast chariots, gambling and other sins – must be torn down and the money trees returned to their rightful lands.”

The Students of Uncut and other occupiers of the Place of Tents cheered Richard and urged him onwards in his quest. Alone in the city, these noble souls saw that Richard truly was the Courageous One!

“Richard, you must take what you have found to the King’s Men,” cried the Students, “not all of them are yet corrupted by neoliberalism and the glitter of greed.  Some will help you find the money tree!”

“First,” said Richard, “I shall visit the Guilds of Tradesmen – those working men have been robbed by Vo de Ffon, Phil of the Green and the King’s Men. They will help in our quest.”

So, refreshed by the great support from the Students of Uncut, the Green Fairies and other Occupiers at the Place of Tents, Richard set off across the city heading for the Guilds of Tradesmen. He knew that Bob the Crow, Bren the Barber and others who lead those slaving in the King’s Men’s mines and plantations would take up the quest.

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Although they were just workers, the Guilds of Tradesmen dwelled in a building just as grand as that of the Economists with long sweeping staircases, liveried flunkies and cavernous, bejewelled halls. The dined on the finest foods, drank the best wine and dressed in splendid, hand-made (if a little ill-fitting) suits. 

Richard knew this to be right – how could Bob, Bren and the other leaders battle the evil of the King’s Men on just the pittance allowed to the workers in the mines and plantations.

Richard told the story of the money tree to the leaders of the Guilds of Tradesmen who listened with, Richard could see, growing anger to the tale of how the King’s Men allowed Vo de Ffon, Phil of the Green and others to steal money trees from the people to whom they belonged.

“I’ll stop all the carriages," cried Bob the Crow, “we will bring the city to a halt. It is an outrage that the King’s Men should rob us in this manner!”

“Aye," said Bren, “those slaving in the mines and on the fields will take to the streets. We will storm the Palace of the King’s Men and demand that they return the money tree from Vo de Ffon and Phil of the Green. That they tear down the Haven of the Fast Chariots.”

A new voice was heard from the doorway, “I command the men who carry the paper for the King’s Men, who co-ordinate diversity and who care like nanny for those who smoke and drink. We shall join your righteous campaign; we too shall seek the money tree! The money tree that is our members’ rightful inheritance!”

It was Dave the Apprentice – a welcome and strong addition to Richard’s quest. The money tree was almost within grasp. Surely, with such a force for good, the King’s Men must reveal the truth about the money tree – a truth so cruelly hidden until Richard had uncovered its secret.

“I hear that Gideon of Tatton, the most evil of the King’s Men, denied the existence of the money tree,” explained Dave the Apprentice, “we have parchments received from the leaders of other lands who have joined the quest and who support Robin Hood – yet still Gideon refuses to reveal the truth.”

“I will go to the Palace of the King’s Men,” said Richard, “there, Caroline, the Green Fairy and others she will find to aid us will tell the truth before all men. There is a money tree that was stolen by Vo de Ffon and Phil of the Green – a money tree that could ease all the worries of the people. That money tree is in the Haven of the Fast Chariots and the leaders of many lands want it released. Only Gideon of Tatton

With these words, Richard headed off to the Palace of the King’s Men, there to tell the truth, to show where thieves had hidden the money tree. And to bring that tree back to the people so their suffering can end!

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"...pretty heroic"

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According to Ed Miliband the marchers (you know the folk who trashed Fortmun & Mason, terrified shoppers on Oxford Street and smashed random windows across London) were:

“pretty heroic, actually”

I'm sorry Ed that isn't heroism - this is heroism:

A soldier who saved 30 members of his unit in Iraq has been awarded the first Victoria Cross for more than 20 years. Private Johnson Beharry, 25, from London, twice saved the lives of colleagues while under enemy fire, but insisted he was just "doing his job". He is still recovering from head injuries caused in one attack by a rocket-propelled grenade round.

You can read the full VC citation here.

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UK Uncut - it's really about envy not tax

 "He went as purple with jealousy as a purple stick of purple rhubarb! (Noel Langley, in 'The Land of Green Ginger')"

It seems that UK Uncut's attack on Fortnum & Mason has revealed the truth behind the organisation's campaigns:

We are not all in this together – the government, big business such as ABF, banking sector and the wealthy who shop here are in it together and are choosing to make everyone else pay the price for the banks greed and wreckless (sic) gambling.

As one blogger has pointed out, Fortnum's owner is a private trust itself owned by one of the world's biggest charitable foundations, Garfield Weston. And, more to the point, there's no apparent evidence of any tax dodging:

Now this is definitely not what UK Uncut should be about; going after the wealthy just because they choose to shop somewhere that is expensive?

Again, as a reminder, ABF, Fortnum & Mason and Wittington Investments are all ultimately owned by the Garfield Weston Foundation, the 14th largest charitable foundation in the world.

So when you put this together, you’ve got a lack of verifiable sources on tax avoidance, a store targeted simply because it is owned by a group that has a majority shareholding in another group that might be dodging tax, and ultimately everything is all under the control of a charitable foundation.

It does seem that UK Uncut targeted Fortnum & Mason simply because rich people shop there - simple, straightforward, green-eyed envy. And I thought they were such nice folk!

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Westminster and the homeless - how UK Uncut are completely wrong and misleading

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The latest UK Uncut fib relates to Westminster Council's proposals to "fine the homeless":

Westminster city council, the richest and most powerful council in the UK, is proposing a new bye-law to ban rough sleeping and “soup runs” in the Victoria area of London. The proposed new bye-law will make it an offence punishable by a fine to “sleep or lie down”, “deposit materials used as bedding” and to “give out, or permit another to give out, food for free”.

Clearly this is the work of Evil Tories as they crush the poor and vulnerable? How very dare they!

But when you look briefly into the matter it doesn't quite seem that way at all:

Westminster Council wants to pass a byelaw to stop rough sleeping and soup runs on Westminster Cathedral piazza and the surrounding area.

Westminster Council announced yesterday it has launched a consultation on the proposals with residents, businesses, local day centres and hostels and the voluntary sector.

If it gets a positive response from this, it will ask the Communities and Local Government department to pass a byelaw. It wants this in place by October.

Westminster Council estimates up to 100 people at a time congregate around the piazza while food is being given out and said people travel into the area to receive food hand-outs. The council has said vulnerable adults will be asked to leave the area before being subjected to any enforcement.

So why is the Council doing this? Here's a representative of homeless charity St Mungo's on the subject:

‘While we recognize the compassion involved in providing food to vulnerable people, those in distress and rough sleeping need services that will support them off the streets for good and give them the opportunity for longer term better housing, health and work as they move on with their lives.’

And, for good measure the Chief Executive of another homeless charity, Thames Reach:

‘Street handouts do little to help people make the step away from rough sleeping. Instead they frequently prevent people from facing up to the reality of the harmful lifestyle they have adopted.

‘The Westminster Cathedral piazza and surrounding area has been the focus for soup run activity and rough sleeping for many years and this has inevitably had a detrimental impact on the lives of people living and working in the immediate vicinity.’

So it seems that, in truth Westminster are working alongside homeless charities to try and deliver better support to rough sleepers!

So UK Uncut lied?

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Your Taxman Needs You!

Kathryn’s upstairs hunting and gathering. At the end of this process will be the necessary pile of papers needed to complete a tax return. You need to know that this is one of Kathryn’s least favourite pastimes (although the person out there who enjoys completing a tax return should check in urgently with their local mental health practitioner).

Now, dear reader, what bothers me – and I know it bothers you – is that we might not be paying enough tax. I have watched as concerned citizens storm the bastions of consumerist decadence so as to persuade those folk therein to pay over the right amount of tax. These concerned citizens have at their heart a dread worry about the plight of vulnerable groups.

So I must scrabble through this paperwork – searching every nook and cranny of the den – so as to ensure that I pay my fair share of that vital taxation. After all these concerned citizens tell me that it is this taxation keeping us all from economic doom – verily, economic meltdown may result from insufficient taxes being raising  And I must play my part.

So from today, I urge you all – in this great cause of sustaining employment for EU bureaucrats, employees of the EHRC and a veritable army of diversity officers – I urge you all to change your tax-dodging ways.

1. Stop avoiding VAT by taking up ‘buy one get one free’ offers – or indeed any other promotions, free give-aways and such that reduce the government’s income
2. Pay local tradesmen the full price – including VAT – and insist on a traceable payment by cheque or bank transfer
3. Make sure every last bit of pitiful interest from your meagre savings is included – those pennies and thruppences will make a real difference. Indeed, this selfless act could keep one more diversity officer in employment to the benefit of us all
4. Stop managing it to maximise tax reliefs – reduce conventanted and gift aided donations as that’s just robbing the government of vital tax
5. And find it in your heart to make an additional, voluntary contribution to keeping the economy afloat and some bureaucrat in employment

Or else just get your neb out from everybody else’s business and focus on your own sins rather than the perceived sins of others.

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